Very soon (next weekend) we will be celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary. Apparently it is wood which brought both hubby and I great amusement as we childishly cackled over all wood related innuendo. We should really know better, but I don’t think we ever got the memo!
Five years in to our marriage and blending of our two families, we are still laughing, kissing, cuddling and holding hands. We still make each other blush and tummy’s go over when we think of each other. So what have we learned being married to each other and bringing families together? Actually quite a lot.
Communication has always been one of our strongest allies. Before we even thought about marriage we discussed everything else – and I mean everything! I don’t think you can go wrong talking about the nitty gritty with your prospective spouse before proposal. It is important to discuss kids, where you live, where you see yourselves in the future, what your dreams and aspirations are, not just as a couple but as an individual too. Phil is a great musician and songwriter, it is important we respected this would need space and time before we got stuck into the hum drum of daily life after the wedding. Likewise he knew about my creative needs and that I would need time for myself. Once the honeymoon was over and the hype of the wedding had subsided we were able to hit the ground running in unison because we already knew what structure would be in place for the kids, where we were headed as a family, what we needed from each other and for ourselves. It made ‘getting back to reality’ an enjoyable process because we had already established what our reality was going to be.
Don’t forget that you aren’t just parents! You are also husband and wife, partners, companions, lovers. I’m pretty sure this will make our kids eyes roll and lose us more street cred than we ever had in the first place, but it is paramount. Our children will grow and move on to create their own families. They will leave home leaving the two of you alone. The last thing you want is to wake up on the first morning together and feel like strangers because you lost the marriage relationship by focusing all your energies in to the parenting one. Dating, cuddling, holding hands and even kissing each other are essential. Let the kids pull faces, it is better they see what a happy and healthy relationship looks like than be disillusioned by societies version of dysfunctional ones. It takes two seconds to send a text saying ‘I love you’ and letting your beau know they are in your thoughts. It takes minimal effort to arrange a babysitter and to set aside time for each other away from the kids and housework. It is important and it matters.
Getting it out and getting it done is the best way forward. We have arguments, differences of opinions which can become heated and loud. The only difference is we get it out there and then, deal with it and move on. Nothing is left to fester. If we frustrate, anger, hurt or annoy each other we have enough respect for each other to expect to be called out on it so we can deal with it and move on. There is real truth in the advice of never letting the sun set on an argument. Get it out and get it done.
As parents to five children we have learnt that prayer works. We pray for each and every one of our children. We have prayed for peace, understanding, patience and wisdom. Five kids each with different personalities and different needs can be at times overwhelming but with prayer we think we are doing ok. Sure it was tough at times in the beginning but they’ve all grown to care and respect each other. They’ve adjusted to being in a blended family amazingly and we are always first in line to say how proud we are of all of them.
I am sure there are plenty of other things I could share, but these feel like the important ones for now.
So here is to five years of marriage to the best guy for me. I look forward to many more years with him, to growing old disgracefully with him, to continuing in our laughter, kisses, cuddles and general shenanigans.
Happy Anniversary for Saturday Husband, I love you.