I have had a few ‘a-ha’ moments throughout this year,however the past week or so they appear to be coming thick and fast! I feel like this year I have repeatedly found myself in situations where I am seeking permission to do things. Which is a bit barking, but I am pretty sure I am in no way alone in that behavioural pattern. Why do we, as mothers especially, feel we need permission to have drive, dreams, vision and success?
My sons school are doing a bake sale today at lunch time in aid of Children in Need, which I very nearly forgot about! Thankfully I managed to throw together some ingredients together to whip something up. Thank goodness for the marvellous queen of cakes Mary Berry, and her Lemon Drizzle Tray Bake.
I had forgotten how much I love a simple recipe, especially one involving chocolate. Although since becoming dairy free I have, for unknown reasons, not tried many sweet recipes. Mainly because avocado chocolate mousse just doesn’t really float my boat! Anyway, it took a little trial and error to get the right set on it, but got there in the end, so here is my dairy free rocky road recipe with a twist.
I haven’t blogged in a while, mainly because the summer holidays have been somewhat flat out. And so I thought I might share a little update about PCOS, Mirena and other things that have been going down in the household over the past few weeks.
A little back story first. I was diagnosed with Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) a good few years ago now. It causes infertility, amongst a myriad of other issues, and why we struggled to conceive our youngest without intervention. Anyway, a couple of the other lovely side effects of PCOS is weight gain, hirsutism (hair growing out your chinny chin chin amongst other places), ovaries that look like bunches of grapes, insulin resistance and some of the worst periods known to woman kind, next to endometriosis.
Right I know it has taken me a little while to get this down, but here is all the things we got up to in a day when we went to Belfast. There are loads more things you can do, and next time we would definitely go for a lot longer, but for now here’s how we did Belfast in a day.
We arrived on the Friday night and stayed at the Premier Inn. We tend to stay with them so our son settles as they are pretty much the same wherever you go and they’re always pretty reasonable too.
Quite often I get so lost in the list of things unticked but still to do instead of taking stock of what I have actually achieved. It is a downward spiral that leads to anxiety, self-doubt and the deterioration of self-care. I lose sight of the ‘all done’ list that is a mile long, filled with amazing accomplishments that could purpose to encourage me to keep going. I give up on tooting my own trumpet, I won’t buy flowers or treats in favour of bashing myself over the head with a couple of things I didn’t get done amidst the chaos that is this life.
It is ridiculous. When I say it out loud it sounds even more ridiculous. I berate myself so often with what are you worried about weirdo, there is nothing to be anxious about just pull yourself together. And yet there I am, cemented to the spot, trembling, short of breath like someone’s choking me. In all honest something is choking me and it’s called anxiety.