The past few months have been intense. Like really intense. I wrote a ‘could do’ list a few months back and to be honest is kind of got lost a little in the chaos of the ‘to do’ list fulfilling. I did manage to check a couple of things of both lists mind, but nowhere near as many as I wanted to do. Still the point of the ‘could do’ list is not how many you check off but more that you make the time to do any at all. Or at least that’s what I have been telling myself anyway!
Quite often I get so lost in the list of things unticked but still to do instead of taking stock of what I have actually achieved. It is a downward spiral that leads to anxiety, self-doubt and the deterioration of self-care. I lose sight of the ‘all done’ list that is a mile long, filled with amazing accomplishments that could purpose to encourage me to keep going. I give up on tooting my own trumpet, I won’t buy flowers or treats in favour of bashing myself over the head with a couple of things I didn’t get done amidst the chaos that is this life.
As a ‘fixer’ I am the first one making action plans in a crisis and whilst that is a gift in and of itself, it can also be a bit of a curse. Ultimately it leaves me feeling drained, empty and not in a good way. I am so busy fixing for everyone else that I forget myself
I have to say that 2017 was pretty full on, in more ways than one. Looking back at 2017 now I can see a little more clearly the things accomplished, the goals missed and the lessons learned. Whilst a total mixed bag of emotions and events, there were things I would love to do again and things I am more than happy to be leaving in the past!
Our tree has a basic theme of green tree with gold and red baubles on it. Simple, with 2 sets of lights and some gold/silver bushy tinsel wrapping the centre of the tree for extra sparkle. For Phil we could leave it there and he would be happy. However we have one simple Christmas tradition that has caused our tree to become the most spectacular cacophony of ornaments, leaving the theme of green, red and gold somewhat engulfed!
The scent of Christmas to me is cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, cloves and a spritz of citrus. Throw in some sweet cranberries and it’s sheer perfection to the senses.
I’m itching to get the Christmas decorations out already this year. I want to snuggle under a blanket with a hot chocolate and beam with glee as all the shimmering sparkles and sweet fragrances fill our home for the whole of the winter season.
One of the things I noticed most after my dad passed away was the fact that we had so few photographs of him with us. Yes we had them from when we were younger, but as we got older and had our own children, there were significantly less images of my dad with us.
I never expected to be able to do this again. I thought I had already done my last first days of school when Ells was little. Days I loathed because I always felt like someone else was benefiting from the best of her, and I was left with an over tired, over stimulated beast when she got home.