I have had a few ‘a-ha’ moments throughout this year,however the past week or so they appear to be coming thick and fast! I feel like this year I have repeatedly found myself in situations where I am seeking permission to do things. Which is a bit barking, but I am pretty sure I am in no way alone in that behavioural pattern. Why do we, as mothers especially, feel we need permission to have drive, dreams, vision and success?
I have heard women recount the story of the ladder, where aspeaker asked them to list all the things in their life which are a priority. They then said something along the lines of “I bet you I already know your name is at the bottom of the ladder.” The speaker would then tell every woman in the conference to turn the ladder upside down and give themselves permission to beat the top of the list. Because ultimately if we aren’t, and we don’t prioritise ourselves, we won’t have anything left to pass on to the next thing on thatladder.
I also heard more recently about being given the instruction from the cabin crew that should oxygen masks fall from the ceiling yours should go on first. To most mothers out there this goes against our very nature of ‘save the kids, forget me!’ I know it does for me, even though my logical mind tells me if I suffocate whilst trying to put the kids masks on I will have topped the #parentfail charts.
I found myself making excuses …
Speaking of parent fails, I shared one recently on my instastories. I pulled my back getting a backpack out the back of the car. Stupid, but sometimes that is all it takes to send your back into spasm and that isn’t even the part of my stupidity that particular day. I will just add that my day job is working at a Chiropractors … Anyway, my boss (the qualified Chiropractor) offered to treat me during my working hours so I was out of pain. And here’s the weird thing, I found myself making excuses to not get my pain sorted.
I got home, had help getting upstairs to bed and basically sulked in there for a while before dinner. Thank goodness for my husband who can cook and cook well too! So I ate dinner and returned to my sulky space in bed, wincing and moaning about the pain I could have got sorted and yet didn’t. I lay there and had the epiphany of exactly what I had done that day that I shouldn’t do again if I can help it.
I made excuses to not help myself. And not even good ones, really cliché ones like ‘I don’t want to waste your time’, ‘don’t worry I will be fine’ and the worst ‘you’re too busy to be doing that for me today’. Ugh! I seriously needed to give myself a slap. Surely I am not alone in finding myself making excuses to not get the help I needed??
My ‘a-ha’ moment was basically that I need to learn to give myself permission to get the help and support I need instead of waiting for someone else to give it to me. It was also that my daughter was there listening to me justify why I shouldn’t be a priority. I wasn’t a good role model for her in that moment. It is that old adage that a child will learn more by watching what you do than what you tell them to do. Or monkey see monkey do.
I have given myself permission to do many, many more things this past year.
This year so far I gave myself permission to get coaching from the most amazing Positive Psychology coach a girl could ask for. I also gave myself permission to overhaul my wardrobe and sort my style out, with the help of a super talented stylist. I have given myself permission to do many, many more things this past year. However, prioritising my own health and wellbeing has been a slower one to learn to give myself permission over.
Whilst I have made baby steps towards getting myself above the wellness line by investing in essential oils, I need to practice accepting more help generally. I need to give myself permission to be a priority when I need help with my health. I need to stop making the excuses that cause me to miss out on the opportunities of accessing support especially when it is offered. Like when my back goes into spasm and my qualified Chiropractor boss offers a treatment there and then to help – I take it!
So as I reflect on 2018, and all the areas I have pushed myself outside of my comfort zone, I also look towards 2019 with fresh eyes. I want next year to be as packed with experiences as this year has been. In fact I want to squeeze more experiences in if I can! My desire is to give myself permission to dream bigger, to be unapologetic in my drive and passion and to expand my vision as far as I can.
A little print I recently purchased to go in our new “office” (it is a converted cupboard but it is amazing as there is zero spare space in our home!) which is there to be before my eyes, encouraging me to think bigger, to be braver and way bolder than I have before. I am not waiting for the New Year to hit either; there is no time like the present to get started on pressing in on your dreams.
Read this simple quote, save it, put it before your eyes and let it cultivate mind-set that doesn’t make excuses for not making you a priority in your own life:
“Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.” – Benjamin Franklin
Follow your dream, embrace your vision, be as successful as you want your own children to be. Model that behaviour, that mind-set to your children and flourish!