As a ‘fixer’ I am the first one making action plans in a crisis and whilst that is a gift in and of itself, it can also be a bit of a curse. Ultimately it leaves me feeling drained, empty and not in a good way. I am so busy fixing for everyone else that I forget myself and wonder why insomnia has returned or that gut churning anxiety that has me feeling on the edge of tragedy for days on end. It is a vicious cycle I throw myself into in the name of love and helping others, all the while sacrificing my own needs for slowing down, isolation, recovery and restoration of my heart and spirit.
It is ironic that on a mummies weekend retreat just last month, one I co-hosted, we shared the importance of being still. I have been vomit catching ever since with our youngest and am reaching the end of myself rapidly. I mean there are only so many times you can cup your hand under a childs mouth in a single week and still be sane at the end of it! Throw in daily life with a teen, a husband and a part time job and I think this week has been anything but still!
I am seriously craving the stillness of the forest where I spent the most amazing few days with 16 other ladies. A few said they had rediscovered themselves and I have to agree, for a short time not being needed felt amazing, like I had time to just be me and not the juggler of many hats! It’s amazing how the things we share come back to challenge us though, as if to make sure we were listening to our own advice. Gotta laugh really haven’t you? I mean if you didn’t you would weep whilst rocking in the corner of the room wouldn’t you?
Anyway, whilst being dribbled on by a sweaty little angel this morning I came upon the loveliest of posts by Caroline over at Carter family 4. She shared a post called ‘A could-do list’ and I felt positively serene whilst reading through it. Her tone in written word is so soothing, and I have already re-read the post several times! It was a timely word from a gentle friend to take a few minutes and breathe. To think about some things that would help me focus on the simplest of pleasures in life that would help me be still every now and then in a thoughtful and self-loving way.
It has taken me all day to think of my own, because when you are always looking for others to help it is so incredibly hard to divert that focus upon ourselves even briefly. But I have persevered in between poorly child naps, because being still is so important in this ever on demand world. Keep it simple stupid, I need reminding of this every day lately!
And so here is my ‘could-do’ list for February:
Appreciate the quiet moments
Walk outdoors in the sunshine
Sit in a café & read a book
Take photographs & trust my vision
Count my blessings
Make time for a little self-love
It is a simple list of things that mean something to me, and that’s all it needs to be. It isn’t the first list I made by a long shot; I’m too used to creating those bloomin ‘to-do’ lists aren’t I?! But as my ‘could-do’ list goes I think with practice I will become freer with it.
For now though I am going to take five minutes to just breathe, be still, slow down and recharge myself before the weekend begins.
Have a lovely weekend,